My Experience : My Truth : My Reality and My Mother : Tribute to My Mother
A wonderful mother, woman and aid; one who was better, God never made; a wonderful worker, so loyal and true, one in a million – that was you. Your judgment was always right, honest and liberal, ever upright; loved by everyone, you knew. A wonderful mother – that was you. Among the cherished faces pictured on memory’s walls; among familiar voices that sound in memory’s halls, the loving face of mother is the dearest face I see, the gentle voice of mother had the sweetest sound to me. No matter how old we are, losing a mother is one of the deepest sorrows a heart can know, but her goodness, her caring and her wisdom live on.. like a legacy of love that will always be with us. My mother was a person that no one in this world can live without. With her nurturing nature and undying love she exudes in many wonderful ways that make us truly feel that we belong. Without her, life would be an empty space that no one could fill up. It’s like being lost and wandering aimlessly without any right direction or purpose. Her beautiful soul is indeed a good example for us to serve, accomplish and persevere. Finely described as a wonderful woman, so gentle yet so strong. Known for her absolute patience though foolishness arises within her children. The great teacher, that gives you guidance whenever one asks for it. And a true friend and confidant, who is the fountainhead of comfort, a cushion when we fall and the best source of hope and inspiration in times of strife
My Mothers Birth :
My dear mother was born in 1932 on July 9th. Midnight at Narsinghgarh a place between Ghatsila and Bahragora. She was the first child of my maternal grand father Late. Akhay Commar Dash and Late. Sindhubala Devi. She was born on Seventh month and that’s why she was healthwise very weak and my Maternal Grand Father and Mother took utmost care during her childhood. Incidentally after the birth of my Mother my Maternal Grand Father good a Permananet Job of an Engineer in Government. So that’s why she was also considered very Lucky and her name was given as Baruna although she was called with Budhi in household. She grewup with Two Sisters and Three Brothers. As an elder daughter in the family She picked up several skills quite naturally and was an important person to take care of many things.
My Mothers Marriage to my Father :
The marriage negotiation was initiated in the month of March/April 1944 by my Grand Fathers (both side) and my father was asked his opinion and consent which he agreed through a letter on 2nd. April 1944. Finally the marriage took place on 4th./5th. May 1944 at village Narsingarh of Singhbhum District. My Mother was 12 -13 years old at that time. My father came back after the rituals to his house and my mother stayed in her parents’ house. My mother’s Home coming happened on 1.1.1947 to Jamshedpur.
My Paternal Grand Fathers Death:
My Grandfather Purna Chandra Tripathy passed away at about 2:30 AM on 27th. June 1945. My Father wrote some where “ Never Before had I been in a position to see a man dying. Oh God let his soul rest in peace”. From May 1944 onwards my Grand Father’s health was detoriating it was related to Cough and pain in ribs. My Grandmother did several Shanti Puja and Shiva Puja. But there were not much significant improvement. The Shradha Rituals completed as on 7.7.45.
My Mothers support and cooperation to Father for running family issues :
My mother was very supportive to my father without her probably it would have been very difficult for my father to handle several issues related to Family Members, Social responsibilities and religious and rituals functions. She was a strong support for my father not only for our responsibility but also for my Grand Mothers responsibilities which she carried away nicely in her life time. She as a kind of lady who was always working and thinking towards the well being of her in laws house and she acted as caretaker of the family. All are actions and deeds were towards bringing peace and harmony based on little financial set up. She had a tendency for savings for
My Father’s Sudden demises :
My father who served as District and Sessions Judge in Bihar Judiciary Services, retired from Palamu District on August 31st. 1979 and there after he came back to his native Home Town Jamshedpur. We were staying in our own ancestral house at 153, Dhalbhum Road, Sakchi. In the month of Feb 1980 in one afternoon he was feeling feverish and when I asked he said he is managing with Homeopathic medicine. Second day when the fever was still continuing I called our Family Physician and he prescribed some medicine for cold and cough. In next two days nothing worked out and gradually he was detoriating then the same doctor said its pneumonia and prescribed Terramycin Antibiotic. Situation were getting worse and day after evening we admitted him in Tata Main Hospital and he was gradually getting into critical stage. Next morning i.e on 17th. Feb he was taken to Intensive Care Unit and finally at 2:30 PM on 17th. Feb 1980 he passed away. I was only 18-19 years old at that time and was not able to understand. I took an ambulance and took my father’s dead body to Home and realize that this was another greatest shock for my Mother who lost her husband at the age of 47-48 Years only. Last time it was her first son who passed away on September 4th. 1960 at Hazipur. It was trauma and I am unable to describe as I was confined to do duty and rituals for cremation and I never had any feelings to cry and scream as I knew its my Job and Duty as a son to do the last rituals.
Life after she lost my Father :
It was very difficult for my Mother to take forward the journey of taking care of so many things in her life and she was only 48 years old. I tried my best to help my mother in order to manage the Limited Finance that was her Family Pension, House Rent for a portion of our house which we rented to meet education and living expenses of three children and two were my younger sisters. I struggled a lot to keep track of these aspects and was desperate to mobilize the resources. My mother was so strong and she was the wall to support and lean in these adversaries. The Property related issues and their litigation started knowing that a window cannot handle so many complicated issues but I was blessed and was able to take it forward as journey for survival. My mother’s will power was great and she had demonstrated the grit and courage at every steps and its memorable how adroitly she extricate ourselves from those days which were driven with multiple crisis.
There were several relatives from my mother side like my maternal uncles and my mother’s close cousins who were extending the spirit to us and provide the source of hope for all of us and it was only possible because she was keeping very cordial and affectionate relationship with everyone and has always tried to give whatever she had in her kitty.
My Childhood Memories:
Childhood memories are some of our most precious memories we possess. Certain people like our parents and grandparents played a pivotal role in the creation of those memories.
“Time has a way of breaking up our memory into fragments of miniscule pieces. Pieces so fragile and delicate that they get caught up in the winds of time and strewn along the pathway of life, and eventually forgotten. Trying to capture and preserve them within the confines of our mind becomes exceedingly impossible as time goes by, and slowly they begin to vanish for good… buried forever in the past…”
My Mother used to narrate that How her Grandfather was source of inspiration for them to study and chant Sholakas from Holy Geeta at a very early age and it was great blessings of almighty to find such kind of Gran father Late. Khetra Mohan Dash who was father of Late.(Engineer) Akhay Commar Dash.
She was an accomplished poet and wrote several Odiya poetry and that to surprise that spontaneously she was writing at spur of the moment BUT unfortunately because of useless son we couldn’t get them published and also have not collected all the written material. She was not writing for the sake of any name, fame, publicity or respect rather she was enjoying the composition and was narrating them in her own words. We all miss this because it was inborn quality and not by virtue of any training. She wrote several poems in her early age in Oriya and in Bengali but never published them and also has not preserve the manuscripts. She was able to articulate the poetry spontaneously on subjects ranging from Patriotic Loyalty for Mother Land to Humorous depiction of Political and Social workers. Her prayers to Lord Krishna were also main subjects to get down into poetry form.
Spiritual Practisoner :
She had built in attributes to ask questions on spiritual plane and she has read several Hindu Mythological Books like Geeta and Ramayan, Bhagwat and several Purana’s. She was a practicing the Lessons of Liberation from Geeta and was an avid follower of Lord Krishna. I don’t see any day in my life when she was not reading at least One Chapter of Bhagwat Geeta. She had complete control of the Sanskrit understanding of all the religious and spiritual Books and was enjoying the commentaries of these scriptures. She had tremendous passion to pursue for practicing Religious and Spiritual activities. Adhyan and Sadhana was her way of life and she was very successful in keeping herself in bliss and absolute bliss. She developed great relation with Lord Krishna and her entire Life was around Lord Krishna from Gopal to Govinda. She read many things from Rama Krishna Mission’s Books mostly the Life and work of Pramhansa Ramakrishna, Maa Sarada and Swami Vivekananda. She also read the life and work of Swami Nigamanada and Aurobindo’s work. She can be classified as voracious reader of spiritual scriptures.
Mother at Work:
Yet another day begins. The time is 3:30am. The place is Jamshedpur in Jharkhand a city in East India. The whole town is asleep except for this one diminutive old lady who is too busy to sleep. She is up and about, listening to Kabir’s Doha and Mantras and Sholokas like Krishna’s Asthotatri Saharsa Naam herself with musical notes coming from her Audio Tapes. Then she take a cup of Tea and proceed to take Morning Bath ion Cold Water.
She was an accomplished person in doing embroidering and she did several such embroideries and distributed to near and dear one with Best of Luck and Blessings Prayers written on Pillow cover, Table Cloth or may be somewhere in the spare cloth to demonstrate some fine arts.
She then briskly walks about putting things back in their place. She is a mother of seven children and grandmother of Fourteen grandchildren who used to come to her place and she was impeccably keeping her home everyday. She is very meticulous and likes things just so……for her there is no delight in disorder and chaos is the one thing she has zero tolerance for. She is very passionate about her work and has an incredible ability to make things happens.
Her creativity and energy know no limits and her right brain works over-time! As they say, it is easy to have ideas, but very difficult to bring it to fruition – but making a reality of an idea was her special quality.
My mother had an eventful life, and was very positive, full of vitality and fighting spirit. She had hard times but she also had a lot of fun and a good life whilst my father was alive. Sadly my father died Thirty One years before she did, and she never found anyone later who she felt would match him or have her love. We tried to take care of my Mothers Emotions and Feelings but she was doing more than us for all of us. She was perfectly doing plans to take care of such a big family.
My Mothers advise for me:
I am trying to bring my mother’s advise to me to remain hopeful despite all the hardships one encounters in life. She informed me that life has not always been easy for her, yet she is still carrying on. Always my mother communicated the message of staying hopeful despite the obstacles one encounters throughout life. She was emphasizing that life is not the ideal fantasy that many conceive it to be.
My mother also advised me not to give up and let life get me down just because there are a few struggles in life. She was reminding me not to “turn back” and “set down on the steps ‘cause you finds it’s kinder hard.” She encourages her son to continue on striving to overcome these obstacles. She provides him with hope by stating that “[she’s] still going’, [she’s] still climbing’.” If she can manage to make it this far in life regardless of all the difficulties, then it is possible for her son to make it through also.
Passion for Language, Literature and Academics.
Although my Mother could not pursue her Education beyond High School but het literary passion and involvement were evident that she could have been a great scholar of Language and Literature. She had a knack of reading for long hours and trying to correlate the interpretation of contemporary literature of Odiya as well as Bengali language and she had skill of speaking flawlessly to deliver commentary on religious scriptures. She had a good collection of books starting from Religious, Spiritual, Rituals to Short Stories and Essays on sociological developments.
My Mothers obsession for me
My mother lost her eldest son (my elder brother) at a very young age and she was completely lost in that sorrow and was unable to positively take any thing in life and gradually she become normal after an year or two. She was very skeptical about my survival as she had a shock and that made her very careful to evaluate every steps in my context. So I was growing with a careful supervision of my Mother and she was trying her best to keep me nearer to her so that she can put a nuclear umbrella kind of force which only mother can have to protect from all evils. I still remember my school days and college days she was awaiting in front gate of our house to ensure that I am back home after my studies as per the schedule and if there used to be any delay she was restlessly walking and waiting with deep anxiety. I went to Engineering College which was located in different city (but three hours Train journey) from our Home town and every week I was writing her a letter to inform that I am doing O.K. Those days the Communication System was not that great so it was hard to speak over Telephone. When I went to work in New Delhi, Bhubaneswar, Boston I was trying to make a point to speak to my Mother at least once or twice in a week so that she should be comfortable and assured that I am doing O.K. Whenever I used to fall sick my mother was working very hard in terms of getting best treatment for me as well as prayers for me so that I can get faster and quicker recovery. She never slept those nights and always she was praying almighty for my recovery. That’s the kind of motherly touch which she was providing and I was convinced that the miracles were due to her prayers and great blessings.
My Mother the source of Motivation for my Study
I am able to recollect that it was due to my mother I pursued all my studies after High School. She came along with me and we stayed in our House at Jamshedpur where I studied Five Years to earn a Bachelors in Science Honours degree and after that from 1983 to 1986 I went to Regional Engineering College, Rourkela (Now NIT) to study and complete Masters in Computer Applications which was a professional course. I was very shaky and disturbed to leave Jamshedpur with Mother and Younger sister as there were no male member in our family at that time and I was thinking that I am their protector which was a false impression because its always the almighty who protect us. My mother was able to pursued me and convinced me and I decided that because of three hours Train Journey I can manage this and continued the course and during the later part of the course I performed extremely well and it was due to the kind of blessings which I had from my Mother.
My Mothers Sickness, Health Conditions and Our preparedness to handle them.
When we look back few years then we realize that my Mother never had any chronic disease until 2005 when she was detected diebatise and hyper tension and she started taking Insulin since 2006 August September. In 2006 October it was also necessitated to put implant a pace maker for her rhythms synchronization and she responded well to the pace maker. In the Year 2008 during November and December she was on her way from Wash Room to her Bedroom but some how she couldn’t maintain the balance of the weight of her body and it was difficult for her to be taken into her bed and gradually she refuses to take any food but on Jan 14th. 2009 she had a convulsion because of Hyponitromeia and we admitted her in a Hospital where they diagnose that she had calculi in her Gall Bladder. She stayed for few days ion Hospital’s critical care and we learnt how to handle my Mothers sickness. New experience for us. Then in August 2009 again she was admitted in ICU/Critical Care Unit as she had pneumonia, septicemia and was unable to breathe properly. This was handled by us and she came back Home after 10-12 days stay in hospital. In the Year 2010 August She had a major breathlessness state and she was admitted in ICU where they put her in Ventilator and we were shocked to see her position but soon she recovered and came out of Ventilator with a support of non invasive By pap Instrument which was helping in flushing the Carbon content. This is how she came back to Home with occasional by pap and Oxygen support. We were relieved that she was recovering but this time she becomes bedridden (Sept 2010). There were a Catheter with urine bag to collect and measure the correct output against the given input so that fluid retention can be treated. COPD means chronic obstructive pulmonary disease and due to that some time she was unable to take normal breathe and also not able to exhale the Carbon Dioxide which was resulting deposit of carbon content in the blood which was validated by doing a Blood Test in ICU.
Regular Pathological and Other Tests were performed to measure and monitor the Health Parameters viz. Blood Pressure, Blood Sugar, Oxygen Saturation, Blood Serum Urea, Blood Serum Creatine, Blood Serum Sodium, Blood Serum Potassium, Regular Complete Blood Check to know the Hb, WBC, RBC, etc
She was not keeping well since 2009 Jan and I have taken care of her till the last day I think in part she had become like a child to me, but still my mom. I will miss her every day for the rest of my life and I used to tell her that she is my little daughter and I need to take care of her.
Small story articulated to explain the Relationship Bondage:
When I was a little boy, my mother used to embroider a great deal. I would sit at her knee and look up from the floor and ask what she was doing. She informed me that she was embroidering. I told her that it looked like a mess from where I was the underside. I watched her work within the boundaries of the little round hoop that she held in her hand. She would smile at me, look down and gently say, “My son, you go about your playing for a while, and when I am finished with my embroidering, I will put you on my knee and let you see it from my side.” I would wonder why she was using some dark threads along with the bright ones and why they seemed so jumbled from my view. A few minutes would pass and then I would hear Mother’s voice say, “Son, come and sit on my knee.” This I did, only to be surprised and thrilled to see a beautiful flower or a sunset. I could not believe it, because from underneath it looked so messy. Then Mother would say to me, “My son, from underneath it did look messy and jumbled, but you did not realize that there was a pre-drawn plan on the top. It was a design. I was only following it. Now look at it from my side and you will see what I was doing.”
Many times through the years I have looked up to my Heavenly Father and said, “Father, what are you doing?” He has answered, “I am embroidering your life.” I say, “But it looks like a mess to me. It seems so jumbled. The threads seem so dark. Why can’t they all be bright?”
The Father seems to tell me, “My child, you go about your business of doing my business, and one day I will bring you to Heaven and put you on My knee and you will see the plan from My side.”
Years of Turbulence or Stability
Practically when we look back we do not find many years as stable in my mothers life the reason may be she was involved in multiple activities, played multiple roles and always attempted to do justice to all the roles so that no one can say that she was not kind enough to others. She took greater responsibility with sense of absolute ownership. In summary we can say that she played following roles in which she meticulously demonstrated impeccable performance. She had her own style of simplicity and elegant way of high thinking.
Grand Mother :
Mother in Law
Daughter in Law
It was her pleasant personality which was amazing to settle any disputes inside Home at family front or in extended family. She had diversified attributes and some of them are worth mentioning here viz.
Her Culinary Expertise
Her Caring approach towards my Grand Mother
Self Disciplined to stay at Jamshedpur with Four unmarried daughters to support my father
Her Management skills in managing Properties of our Village and related rituals
Her intelligent way of handling relationship with her in laws relations.
Home Coming Back in 1969 (From Motihari to Jamshedpur) :
From 1972-1974 : Dhanbad Stint
From 1975-76 Gaya and Jamshedpur: Rinoodi’s Marriage at Tata in 1976
1976 : Again another Home coming to Jamshedpur after my Matriculation Examination. I took admission in Jamshedpur Cooperative College in 1976 and my Mother accompanied me to stay in our House and help me to continue my College Education.
1977-1978 : Purnea : Roopadi’s Marriage
1979-80 : Back to Tata from Daltonganj after short stint there before retirement of Bapa.
1991- Bhubaneswar at Satya nagar
1992 – 1993 : Bhubaneswar at Acharya Vihar
1994- 1995 : Saileshree Vihar at Bhubaneswar
1995-1996 : Jaydev Vihar at Bhubaneswar
1996 – 2001 : TATA
2002 – Gangotri Apt at Bhuabneswar
2006 – Nanda Devi Apt at Bhubneswar
2008 – 2011 Oct 20th. 7:30 PM : Club Town Block No.5 Flat No. 301, Bhubaneswar
Hospitalization Period : (In Patient)
October 2006 : Tata Main Hospital ICU for Pace Maker Implantation, Jamshedpur
August 2007 : Gangotri Nursing Home, Jamshedpur for Pinning Operation, Ortho Surgery
Jan 14th. 2009 : Aditya Care, Bhubaneswar, Hyponitromeia, Convulsion, GB Mass, Calculi in GB, Ultra sound, CT Scan.
Aug 2009 : Aditya Care, Bhubaneswar, Pneumonia, Septicemia, COPD, Low WBC, Low Hb, Breathlessness
Aug 2010 : Ayus Hospital, Bhubaneswar : COPD, Urine Stopped, Admitted in ICU On Ventilator, support system
From September 2010 Till Oct 20th. 2011 7:30 PM : She was at Home with Round the Clock Support from Doctor like Dr. J. Kishore, Dr. Bindhani. Support Staff: Prasanna Kar. Female attendants Sulochana and Pratima. I was also involved in doing round the clock support and monitoring.
About Author : Mr. Keshav Tripathy is a distinguished technocrat, leader and visiting faculty (in Xavier Institute of Management, Bhubaneswar & National Institute of Science and Technology, Berhampur). He is also a member IT Advisory Panel to UNFPA and UNICEF.[signoff1]